Bored? Depressed? Upset with situations in your life? This could be a lack of alcohol
Another entertaining and pointless entry about another 1 in 6.2 billion people. I mentioned a brass ensemble I play in, in my last post? It's every Tuesday. Since I haven't been sloshed in about a month now, not heavily sloshed at least (Heavily sloshed: Out cold), which is quite an achievement for me, and I wasn't seeing Peaches that evening, I decided from the moment I stepped out of bed that it was going to be an official booze day.
College was fairly mediocre, boring as normal, but I had the afternoon off. Caught the bus back to Sainsburys to try and grab an application form, but they're still not accepting new jobless people such as moi. I've been without a job for months now, but it's strangely satisfying. About six months ago, I would've been getting about £370 a month. I'd blow it anything I could find. Booze, cigarettes, any method of having a good time. The problem with being a teenager and having a moderate amount of money is that it seems to disappear in a short space of time. I didn't blow it on clothes, or any crap like that - I'm really not fussed about fashion whatever the hell it's supposed to be, just on non-material things that I enjoyed. But ever since the money stopped, buying a pack of cigarettes or going to see a film has become a rare and almost special event. It's savoured. How the fuck are you supposed to find a medium? There's no 'self-control' area of the brain designed for this. I personally just don't think in the west, humans have the capacity to call it a day, and not regret spending more.
Nevertheless, I got home, and cracked open the rest of the reserve stuff my parents keep downstairs. It'd corked from when I'd last opened it, and tasted disgusting. Ever tried drinking sulphuric acid?
After most of the bottle I was totally blown away. Bored of laughing to myself about nothing in particular, I phoned an old ex from long ago, Charlotte. She sounded depressed; deflated, even, but I still talked at her for a good 20 minutes about love, sex and death. It was all big-headed, all about myself, all about how I felt about the world. Charlotte is about the only person I ever consciously do this too. She's probably the most insecure person I know, and some part of me feels the need to become an egotistical penis when I'm talking to her. Maybe it's some superiority thing. I've honestly never considered myself like that.
I got to band drunk off my face. Miss H and her new boyfriend were there. They fit well together. He's strangely funny, but he does it intentionally. I've always liked James for that, and him and Miss H get on well because of it. I guess some part of me feels slightly *insert word here* for him being able to get her to open up. She's so much more excitable and happy when she's around him, than when she was ever with me. I stopped and thought about it for a second. I have black hair down to my shoulders, I wear a panama hat, I talk about Descartes, and go up to people reciting Shakespeare. He's sweet, considerate and witty. There really isn't a great deal of competition. I was constantly getting told off by our band leader (Julie), for being such a prick. She must've known something was up. I know I've gone off the rails a few times before, but she knows I'm a bit odd. Everyone said they could smell the wine on my breath.
Sitting there, holding a cornet, and staring around at the faces to the left and right, a thought crept up to me that I've considered a few times before. If I didn't have Peaches, I'd happily stay in that condition for as long as I could and drink and smoke my life away. For me, it'd be a happy and fulfilled existence. But I do have Peaches. We're rarely drunk or stoned at the same point in time. For me, it's hazardous. As I've mentioned, I generally don't know when to stop. The last time we were drunk together, she had to hold me up. Peaches is always honest about most things. If you're doing something she hates, she'll tell you. I honestly have no idea where she came from - it's so bizarre. I hardly knew her, and she just materialized. This incredible, beautiful, intelligent person that gave/gives a shit.
After band, I walked up to Rob and I's field with him and smoked for a while. It was a mellow evening, but I don't remember a great deal to be honest, I was still quite slozzled.
Nevertheless, I should be getting back to the student area. I was hoping they'd send out a search party of something.
The library's filled with pasty light, and every student seals their lips.
Seals their lips.
Alex.
College was fairly mediocre, boring as normal, but I had the afternoon off. Caught the bus back to Sainsburys to try and grab an application form, but they're still not accepting new jobless people such as moi. I've been without a job for months now, but it's strangely satisfying. About six months ago, I would've been getting about £370 a month. I'd blow it anything I could find. Booze, cigarettes, any method of having a good time. The problem with being a teenager and having a moderate amount of money is that it seems to disappear in a short space of time. I didn't blow it on clothes, or any crap like that - I'm really not fussed about fashion whatever the hell it's supposed to be, just on non-material things that I enjoyed. But ever since the money stopped, buying a pack of cigarettes or going to see a film has become a rare and almost special event. It's savoured. How the fuck are you supposed to find a medium? There's no 'self-control' area of the brain designed for this. I personally just don't think in the west, humans have the capacity to call it a day, and not regret spending more.
Nevertheless, I got home, and cracked open the rest of the reserve stuff my parents keep downstairs. It'd corked from when I'd last opened it, and tasted disgusting. Ever tried drinking sulphuric acid?
After most of the bottle I was totally blown away. Bored of laughing to myself about nothing in particular, I phoned an old ex from long ago, Charlotte. She sounded depressed; deflated, even, but I still talked at her for a good 20 minutes about love, sex and death. It was all big-headed, all about myself, all about how I felt about the world. Charlotte is about the only person I ever consciously do this too. She's probably the most insecure person I know, and some part of me feels the need to become an egotistical penis when I'm talking to her. Maybe it's some superiority thing. I've honestly never considered myself like that.
I got to band drunk off my face. Miss H and her new boyfriend were there. They fit well together. He's strangely funny, but he does it intentionally. I've always liked James for that, and him and Miss H get on well because of it. I guess some part of me feels slightly *insert word here* for him being able to get her to open up. She's so much more excitable and happy when she's around him, than when she was ever with me. I stopped and thought about it for a second. I have black hair down to my shoulders, I wear a panama hat, I talk about Descartes, and go up to people reciting Shakespeare. He's sweet, considerate and witty. There really isn't a great deal of competition. I was constantly getting told off by our band leader (Julie), for being such a prick. She must've known something was up. I know I've gone off the rails a few times before, but she knows I'm a bit odd. Everyone said they could smell the wine on my breath.
Sitting there, holding a cornet, and staring around at the faces to the left and right, a thought crept up to me that I've considered a few times before. If I didn't have Peaches, I'd happily stay in that condition for as long as I could and drink and smoke my life away. For me, it'd be a happy and fulfilled existence. But I do have Peaches. We're rarely drunk or stoned at the same point in time. For me, it's hazardous. As I've mentioned, I generally don't know when to stop. The last time we were drunk together, she had to hold me up. Peaches is always honest about most things. If you're doing something she hates, she'll tell you. I honestly have no idea where she came from - it's so bizarre. I hardly knew her, and she just materialized. This incredible, beautiful, intelligent person that gave/gives a shit.
After band, I walked up to Rob and I's field with him and smoked for a while. It was a mellow evening, but I don't remember a great deal to be honest, I was still quite slozzled.
Nevertheless, I should be getting back to the student area. I was hoping they'd send out a search party of something.
The library's filled with pasty light, and every student seals their lips.
Seals their lips.
Alex.
posted by Redshift at 3:50 AM
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